I’m still here. Just hiding. Trying to figure out life and dodging the blows. I’ll be posting again real soon. Promise. For now just enjoy the sweet words of Jeff Buckley.

Unicorn stalks you. He also abuses his wife, hopes his son isn’t gay and writes his own Wikipedia page.

Little Timmy

Grayson Chance -Paparazzi

Paul Dateh – Telephone

Christopher Walken -Pokerface

Yoel Brach Productions – Bad Romance/Paparazzi

(Weinbergerrrrrrrrrrrr)

Some Acapella Group – Bad Romance/Poker Face

PS22 Chorus -Just Dance

Pomplamoose -Telephone

Chat Roulette/Telephone

(not a cover.. but absolutely epic)

Lissie – Bad Romance

Baby GaGa -Telephone

Did I miss any? What are your faves?

Oh hey! Guess what? I live in Portland, Oregon now.  During my last visit to the City of Roses I decided that I had to live there, and I had to do it as soon as possible or else it was never going to happen. I rationalized this with the fact that I’m still relatively young, and I don’t have anything tying me down. Why live in the ugliest and most crowded state in the country (NJ) and work a job that leaves me in a stagnant pool of unfulfillment?  So, Doodlebug (who had the same thoughts as me) and I packed up and headed West. We were completely relocated in less than 60 days after we made our decision. Here is how we did it.

Sell  Everything

Well, maybe not EVERYTHING. We sold or donated all of our furniture, anything breakable (that wasn’t sentimental) , and anything that had been sitting in storage for over a year.  We sold everything on Craigslist, and although it was a lot of work rustling through incoherent emails and dealing with shady characters showing up at the house, we got a pretty penny for most of our stuff.  We were left with clothes, books, a dehydrator,  juicer, and random other important/sentimental things.

Ship Everything

We were lucky enough to have access to some phenomenal bulk shipping rates.  So we packed everything up, stuck it on a few pallets, shrink wrapped it and then sent them on their merry way to Portlandtown. We fit our whole entire life onto 3 pallets!  It took about 4-5 days for them to arrive, at which point Doodles was already there. Surprisingly enough, nothing arrived damaged!

Sell or Ship the Car

Portland is known for it’s sensational public transit system and bike friendly streets, so a car is really not needed. However there are tons of things to do in Oregon and Washington states, (One of those things is to just drive around with your mouth agape admiring the beautiful landscape.) so if you are into outdoorsy type stuff a car would be needed. I decided to get rid of my car because it was over 8 years old, and also because I am way past my expiration date to be driving around in a bright yellow vehicle. Doodlebug kept his truck although it is kind of impractical for city living. He shipped it for around $1,000. It took about 2 weeks past the initial pick-up date to actually get picked up, and then took 12 days to make it here.  But it is here and will soon be traded in for a Subaru Outback (crossing my fingers!).

SaveSaveSave!

We pinched and saved every penny we could. On top of my full time job, I started working part time at the restaurant I worked at in college. We put away every cent we made from selling our stuff. All of the saved money is going to new furniture and to supporting our lame asses since we are both unemployed!

Split Up

Doodlebug went out a week before I did to set up the apartment and get essential things like a mattress and toilet paper. I stayed in Jersey and finished up things at the house. It was a lonely week but it saved time and also insured that if one of us forgot something we would have it covered.

Why?

Most people assume that I relocated due to a job, as if that is the only reason people ever move a great distance. Truth is.. I don’t have a job. I don’t even really want a job, at least not one where I sit in a dingy office for 8 hours a day. This is not because I’m lazy or unmotivated. I simply don’t want to live a typical existence. I don’t want to punch the time-clock and count down the days until retirement (or death).  I want to go out and explore and be creative and meet new people – and I wasn’t going to do that in Philly. Me and Philadelphia had fun, but we were over each other.  I didn’t move to Portland to escape anything. I moved here to FIND something. Sometimes you need a totally fresh environment to get yourself thinking differently and exploring new options. I’ve found, in the short time that I’ve been living here, that I have a better idea of what I really want from life and what kind of person I want to be. Get ready new city, I’m gonna rock your world!

Here is your obligatory illustrated quote of the day. A Nietzsche quote nonetheless!

I know -  it’s been a while. I have lots to share. Including some big checkmarks next to stuff on my 30 before 30 list. Stay tuned.

I recently journeyed to the Northwest US of A in search of crude donuts, bigfoot, piles of books, and vegan treats out the wazoo. I landed right smack in the middle of Portland, Oregon, which I will now refer to as “heaven”. Portland itself is a decent city; the surrounding vistas are gorgeous and the weather is fair. However, what really makes Portland spectacular is it’s people. The book reading, incredibly nice, totally weird people. In a nutshell, here are the specific things I love about these fine, fine creatures.

They Read
Books are king in Portland! The gratuitous coffee shops provide the perfect breeding ground for readers to spend their days sipping Stumptown Coffee and getting lost in their favorite used paperback. Portland is also home to the largest independent bookstore in the world! Powell’s Bookstore is a wet dream for any bibliophile looking to spend a day (or week) immersed in new, used and rare books. Along with Powell’s, there are many other thriving used bookstores tucked into the city.
Portland also seems to be overflowing with writers. There are tons of organizations and events for aspiring writers. Self published zines are also quite popular and are so abundant they warrant their own stores!

They’re Sexy
Portlanders are in shape. This may have to do with the abundance of outdoor activities available in the immediate area, or the fact that over a quarter of the population gets around via bike or walking. They also have style! Considering that it rains a good chunk of the year, I would describe the style as “functional chic”.  I  never imagined people would look so good riding a bike through a soggy and cold city!

They Value Service
The city is overflowing with happy, knowledgeable, fast and friendly customer service. Everyone from shop owners to waitresses to bus drivers, generally love to give proper attention to everyone they encounter. Why? I think it may have to do with the pride everyone has in what they are doing. Or maybe it has to do with the fact that the minimum wage in Portland is close to $9, and people in the service industry get that plus tips! The cost of living is also incredibly cheap in Portland – as far as a city is concerned. AND there is no sales tax in Oregon.

They are Self Sufficient
Small local businesses reign supreme in Stumptown. With all of the independent businesses, corporate entities easily get squeezed out. Boutiques carry clothing and jewelry from local designers. Coffee shops serve only Stumptown Coffee and baked goods from local bakeries. There seems to be less competition and more support between businesses and individuals.  It was a refreshing change from the cutthroat atmosphere of the Northeast.

They are Soooo Nice
The people of Portland are nice. Genuinely nice.

They Love the Earth
Portland has a serious commitment to being green. only a small faction of the locals drive cars. And why would they? The public transit system is out of of this world and completely bio-fueled, and there are bike lanes and racks everywhere.  Eateries typically avoid disposable serving-wear as much as possible. Plastic bags are virtually obsolete.  There is also a huge push for eating locally and sustainably. Co-ops and farmers markets are everywhere and “urban-farms” are becoming quite trendy. Portland is also crawling with vintage shops and warehouses loaded with used goods, making recycled living cheap and easy.  Most importantly, a good portion of the town’s occupants are vegetarian or vegan!

They are Slow and Simple
I mean this in the best way possible. The Slow Movement is evident in many aspects of life in Portland. Menu selections are simple, and the dress is practical. Everyone seems to be mindful with daily activities. They take their time eating. They hang out. I don’t think I saw one person in a hurry during my whole stay.

They Value Life
Everyone in Portland is there because they want to be. The way of life is quite different than other major cities in the world. Locals don’t peacock their possessions, or try to make six figures a year by working 12 hour days.  Everyone seems to be doing what they truly love, and enjoying the finer things in life (like books and coffee!).

They are Good Parents
I’m not sure if this is a phenomena just in the Northeast, but I regularly see parents who are either yelling at, correcting, belittling, or over-coddling their children. I did not see this once in Portland. Here, children are cherished, nurtured and given room to be independent spirits. It was quite refreshing and gave me hope.

They are Weird
The motto “Keep Portland Weird” is touted throughout the city. And weird it is! From random kitschy shops to its eccentric locals, Portland is definitely a little strange but not ostentatiously so. The locals are not weird just for weird’s sake, they seem to be naturally just a little off. I guess “independent” would be a better term. Either way, it adds to the dynamic of the city and is the proverbial cherry on top of this wonderful place!

*To learn more about being vegan in Portland check out my other blog.*

The past 12 months have been a whirlwind of experiences. I have conquered fears, achieved goals, and found out things about myself I never knew. But just like anyone else, everything was not all roses, sparkles and fairy dust. There are many things I still haven’t changed. There have been missed opportunities, and unsatisfactory situations. Pitfalls. Road blocks. Rabid monkeys. But most importantly I have grown as a person, and although life is not perfect (but really, when is it?), it has been an exciting almost magical adventure. And every day I learn to live it more fully.

Here are some notable 2009 events.

The greatest of ease
In May, I performed for the first time ever as a (fledgling) circus performer. In retrospect, it was not a big deal. It was a showcase at PSCA. Pretty much a recital for adults. My friends and family came to see me. I didn’t fall. All in all, a great success. However, at the time it was a big deal to me. I had serious stage fright and the thought of anybody watching me do anything would give me sweaty palms and make me shake. I would get nervous practicing in front of my class, which consisted of 5 people. At the showcase I performed in front of about 80 people, twice.  Ever since that night my performance anxiety has significantly decreased.  I feel more confident in class. I haven’t performed since then, but I have a feeling it will be MUCH better the next time around.

Performing in May

My mostly green thumb
May was the most notable month of the year. Not only did I perform for the first time, I moved into a large house on a dead end street in the burbs. And with this house came a garden. More like a series of gardens. A large one in the backyard, two on the side, and two up front. Planted throughout said gardens were rosemary, thyme, sage, basil, mint, lemon balm, eucalyptus, lavender, and a peach tree. It is very likely that there were many other things planted in the yard that I couldn’t identify and as a result, I soullessly ripped them from the earth.  Being completely out of my element, I consulted my two favorite resources: Google and my Mom. With their help I successfully cultivated a thriving garden all summer long resulting in a harvest of squash, tomatoes, cucumber, jalepenos, sweet potatoes and the aforementioned herbs. The whole experience was rewarding and delicious, but EGADS the mosquitoes!

My Little Garden Friend

Cohabitating
When I moved into this large house in May, I was not alone. I moved in with my long term boyfriend. After being virtually an only child (my siblings are 10+ years older than me), and then living alone for 3 years, I was sure it would probably result in a colossal failure. Thankfully, the bf and I are both solitary creatures by nature, so we mind our own corners of the house and keep things tidy. In turn, it all works out and fights are basically non-existent. I couldn’t have asked for a better roomie!

Reading & Writing
2009 was most definitely a year of words. I consumed books like a ravenous animal. (Favorite book I read this year = The Wind Up Bird Chronicle.) I read fairytales, biographies, sci-fi, spiritual, history, poetry, short stories.  I think I currently might regularly read every single blog contained within the internet. Pretty sure Google Reader might explode sometime soon.
On top of reading I have been writing much more. Actually, this year I have composed more sentences than I have in about 10 years. I used to be an avid writer. Mostly of poetry and short stories. I’m not saying I was talented or anything, but I did it. Now I am back(!), and ready to take on the blogiverse.  In 09 I have written personal pieces, and posts here and on my other blog, mostly in the later half of the year. But watch out 2010, once I figure out the basics of grammar and sentence structure I am going to assault you with my lyrical prose!

Launches and Relaunches
In July, I relaunched Chicvegan.com with a fancy new design and some pretty good content. My reader base has grown and I’m trying to make a difference within and beyond the vegan community.  Then in September I launched this here gem, unsure of what to do with it.  After attempts at a few things I decided to make it my own personal blog, because I needed that sort of thing. I wanted to devote most of my marketing/networking time to Chic Vegan, but needed an outlet for the rest of my insanity. So here she is! This will probably be the official blog for my portfolio, once that atrocity is relaunched.

Doing Nothing
This year I did a lot of nothing. I didn’t go out and socialize much. I didn’t travel. I mostly focused inward and on the things laying in front of my face. I’m not sure if this is a positive thing or not, but I do feel refreshed as if I have just come out of hibernation.

2010 in preview

My 30 things before 30 list pretty much covers all of the goals I want to achieve in the next few years. However I do want to establish and change some habits.

Stretch
I want to stretch every. single. day. No excuses. Every day. Stretch. I won’t get into the logistics of it here because I doubt it is exciting to anyone but me.

Meditate
This is my third year attempting this habit. I want to meditate everyday for 20 minutes. (*bonus: If I have yoga I can get this and stretching out of the way in one shot. sweet!)

Eat Better
Admittedly, I eat pretty damn well. I am currently vegan and (unsuccessfully) trying to cut out gluten due to health issues. I want to cut out refined sugars and processed things too. I want to eat more raw. Don’t worry, I will still have plenty of (protein and nutrient rich) things to eat. I don’t have “food issues” I just don’t like to eat crap that causes disease and discontent.

Develop Better Relationships
I’m an antisocial loner by nature. All of my life I have tried to fight this constant desire to be alone. Unfortunately, in the past few years I have come to nurture and embrace it. Honestly, I’m only about 2 years away from being the weird lady with the overgrown lawn, 58 cats and trash bags on her windows.  In recent years I have made it a point to cut people out of my life that were creating negative energy and drama. While doing that I managed to avoid communication with a lot of other people. Some who meant very much to me.  If they will allow it, this year I would like to win them back. While I’m at it I would like to turn my awesome acquaintances into good friends, and develop new and beautiful relationships. I also have to reckon with some very close relationships and decide if they are worth saving. Yay life!

Write Everyday
In the past few months (ok, maybe just the past month) I’ve been doing really good with this. I would like to be able to write for at least 2 hours every day. It can be anything from emails to blog posts to gospels. Whatever.

Nurture my creativity
I started carrying around an “idea notebook” that I write all my random thoughts and ideas in. My excuse has always been that I “don’t have the time” to be creative because I am doing all of these other things I hate anyway. What nonsense.  I want to think more openly and spend more time creating beautiful things this year.

Make a Difference
Most importantly, I want to do something to make a difference. Maybe not to the whole world, but at least some people. I’m still not sure of the Plan Of Action here. Volunteer? Invent something? Provide  a Service? I guess that is where creativity comes into play.

Monday, November 2nd, 2009
You left your coat here last winter – w4w
… or rather, you let me wear it home.
I found fun dip in one pocket and your NYPL card in the other.
It’s going to keep me deliciously warm this winter as I rack up mountains of overdue fines

Saturday, October 17, 2009
- m4w
We shared a bear suit at an apartment party on Saturday night.
I asked for your number and you gave it to me, but somehow I don’t have an area code written down. I had a great time talking with you, and I don’t trust Chance enough to wait until I see you in the elevators…

See lots more here.

On a completely unrelated note: Jellyfish are dumb.

Honestly, I don’t really need anything. I don’t like having “stuff”, but I constantly come across random, kitschy, unnecessary things that I HAVE TO HAVE. I usually talk myself out of these things, but since its the holidays and all I’ll let somebody else buy them.

Teacup by kuehn keramik – There is something about the fact that it looks like it was forged by a 3 year old with ADD, that makes me want it even more.

Where the Wild Things Are stationary -  I never write letters and I have the handwriting of a serial killer, but I want these anyway.

Teddy bear jacket -  because everyone should be covered with teddy bears AT ALL TIMES.

Moose Hat

Ripped Leggings – A $100 pair of pre-ripped leggings is so much better than buying a pair for $3.99 and ripping them yourself.

An Alexander McQueen Knuckle Duster -Cuz I’m fucking glamorous!

Unicorn Key Caps

Cute Overload Calender – Last year I got the page-a-day calender, and although it filled my days with unbearable adorableness, it was a tad wasteful. This year I want the wall calender.

The Annotated Alice

Ignore Everybody – I like the way this guy thinks.

18.5 ft Free Standing Rig – To hook my rope/fabric from and practice in my backyard. While you’re at it I need a black silk.     Dreams.

Handbalance Platform – When I learn to hold a handstand for longer that 3 seconds, this will come in handy.

Charles Manson Teapot -Well worth the $1,200

Dr. Cow “cheese” – Its artisan cheese made from nuts!!

Kombucha Home Brew Kit

Tauntaun Sleeping Bag – !!!

Steampunk Octopus Locket - to go with my ongoing steampunk fascination

Baroque Photo Frame - Because I have something to stick in it.

Leg Warmers

Lime Crime Makeup – Run of the mill mineral pigment makeup I could get for 82% cheaper with a wholesaler. BUT the packaging contains a unicorn. SOLD!

The idea is that, before they are conditioned not to, kids live in the moment. They don’t watch the clock or set a schedule of what toys they can play with at certain times. They go with their feelings and enjoy every moment. And for that, children are happy, unique little souls. As they grow older, they get more rules applied to their lives and are constantly being told what is “normal” and right. They hide the original part of themselves deep down inside and cover it up with ideas and actions that belong to others. Then these children go to school, then college and then get jobs. Then those children become me and you.

When I was a kid…

I had dreams. I wanted to be an FBI agent, a dancer, a writer, a veterinarian. All at the same time.  Every day was a magical journey and my imagination would take me somewhere new.  I slept when I wanted (bedtimes existed… but that is what a flashlight and a book is for, my friends), ate when I was hungry, and did whatever my heart desired. I most definitely was not a slave to the clock, or to anyone else’s expectations.  I was my own island, and if anybody needed me they could paddle out and join me.

Growing up

Unlike most, I remained on my own island through most of my schooling. I didn’t care much for grades and didn’t dress or act to please anyone else. I’m not sure when it changed, but one day I woke up and realized that people do in fact look at me, and in turn they make judgments. (Looking back, that is when all my problems began.) As time inched forward I began realize I had no path in life, like everyone else seemed to have. I was told that doing things based on a purely emotional response would never get me anywhere noteworthy. I began to make lists. My whole life was placed in notebooks and was organized into a series of checklists. I fought against the clock.  Once I graduated college and spent a few years in the “real world” I began to worry about things like savings accounts and health insurance. Now I find myself at the point where everything in my life is just a means to an end. I rarely do something just to enjoy it. I am in a creative industry but I feel like my creativity is squashed by all of the Do’s and Don’ts and other controlling factors in my life. My instinct takes second fiddle to logic and reason. I am officially an adult but deep inside my inner child is screaming and crying to be let out.

I want to be a child again

What is really so wrong with a child’s mentality?  Who says that at a certain point we have to just grow up and drop everything we feel is right? Who says we have to needlessly worry about things and events that aren’t even necessary?  I for one miss impromptu naps, fort building and laying in the grass watching the clouds form elephants with mustaches. I want to be able to do these things without looming thoughts of student loan bills and laundry. I don’t want to be a slave to time, or anything else.

Is being present, enough?

Yes, I know the answer to this dilemma… be present. I’ve read Eckhart Tolle, and the Tao and many other zen-minded philosophy books about “being in the now”. I practice yoga. I most certainly am not in a state of presence during most times in my life, but I am aware of what it is and how to get there. But even if I made it there, is that enough? If you find complete and utter presence in everything you do, then does creativity and security with oneself follow suit?  Will presence allow you to quit your job and spend the day making panda bears out of cotton balls? Only time will tell.