I have been a creature of intense change all of my life. I get bored easily and am always looking to morph into a different (and sometimes better) person. 10 years ago I was a club kid, popping drugs like candy and dancing in warehouses until 4am. I had hundreds of friends and half as many lovers. I was a true wild child and loved every moment of it.
7 years ago I was a junk food eating borderline alcoholic. I slacked off in college and lived a miserable existence. My relationships were a mess and my mind was decaying. I was constantly sick and incredibly unhealthy.
5 years ago my radical changes turned for the better. Between then and now I have become a health obsessed vegan, an aerialist, a blogger, and a devoted other half to a wonderful man. I’ve moved across the country twice, started my own business, became an insatiable reader, and have learned how to cook like nobody’s business. 10 years ago I would have never guessed that I would be the kind of person I am today.
Now I feel as if it is time for more radical changes in my life. I’ve hit a deep, ugly rut that I can’t seem to escape. I find myself struggling to find a purpose. Most days, getting out of bed is a chore. That zest for life? Pretty much gone. When times get like this I know that change is on the horizon.. and it is kind of exciting.
4 years ago I started a project that changed my life in many ways. I started a blog called Chic Vegan that turned into a semi-popular site for vegan women looking for fashion, food, and news. During down times at my office job I would work hard on writing articles and connecting via social media. When I quit my job in early 2010, I began to devote even more time to cultivating Chic Vegan and getting to know its many readers. A few months ago a new design was launched along with a few new features. I started to plan some bigger projects. And then suddenly – I just stopped. I couldn’t figure out why. I never made a conscious decision to stop. I just did.
Looking into it, I realized that I wasn’t happy writing and editing Chic Vegan anymore. My days felt like a waste and I felt as if my creative impulses weren’t being fulfilled. I enjoyed helping others learn about the vegan lifestyle but I just wasn’t a “pro-blogger” anymore. (This whole thing reminded me of the day I unexpectedly stopped smoking cold-turkey after 10 years of addiction because I just wasn’t the kind of person that smoked anymore.)
It may have been my struggle to walk the tightrope between “militant vegan abolitionist” and “compassionate realist”. It may have been overzealous marketers. It may have even been my fatigue of the topic. The true reasons I stopped updating Chic Vegan are manifold, but the ultimate truth is that it just doesn’t make me happy anymore. It doesn’t make me excited and it does not invoke passion. I love helping others learn about the vegan lifestyle. Helping animals live better lives is a goal I plan on forever pursuing – just in different ways. Chic Vegan will always remain online and stand as a resource for anyone who happens to stumble upon it, but it shall remain a relic of the time during my life when blogging was my thing.
I’m not sure how long I have felt this way. It seems for at least a year I have been hanging on to the presumption that since I have spent so many years of hard work on the site that I should never give up. Just recently I have realized that it is really ok to give up. When something in your life turns into a thing that weighs you down instead of setting you free – just let it go. This goes for relationships, work, and hobbies. Try your best and if it doesn’t light your fire.. say goodbye. I live by the old adage – Life is short, do what you love. The things and the people I love may change from time to time, but I made a promise to myself a long time ago to never stray from that path. To never settle on something for any reason if it doesn’t make me swoon with love.
So begins the next chapter of my life. I feel like there are many more radical changes on the horizon. Who knows – I might move to Japan, or write a cookbook, or become a professional circus performer. But whatever it is, I know that it will make me happy. This is the only life I have and I will continue to pursue things that help me grow and change, and when life becomes stagnant I will get up and change again. This is the only thing about myself that will remain forever constant.
I will be posting more frequently here since I always have a desire to write (even though it might not be well) and I excel at writing exclusively about myself. I will also be posting recipes, and my Fall Fashion Challenge updates that I would have posted on Chic Vegan. So if you are a Chic Vegan reader, never fear! This blog will be more genuine but updated less frequently – so be sure to subscribe!
Breaking News: Chic Vegan might be taken over by another vegan blogger! Stay tuned for details.